Carta de un león a otro

I.

?‏
From:
Sent: Tuesday, February 02, 2010 9:48:10 AM
To:

Do you still exist, my dear friend? are you not allow'd to talk to me? or what is it? did you forget what you said once that our kids would play together and all that? are you a liar? I don't think so. Have I fail'd you? I know that you have a precious kid now, I know his name and face, but I didn't learn that from you, and it hurts.

Do you still think friendship is forever? I do. Or at least I used to.

Maybe you don't believe that anymore, and I totally respect it, I just want to read it from you, my old friend.

I wish the best for you and your family, maybe you don't care about my life anymore, so if I die someday, which will certainly happen someday, I just want to let you know you were once my best friend and I'll never forget the great times.

Take care, have fun,


II.

If you knew...‏
From:
Sent: Wednesday, February 03, 2010 6:49:08 AM
To:

Hi there!
I can understand you very well ... But let me summarize a long story and I ask you to forgive, ‘cause I’ve done lots of mistakes some years ago that led to break the contact with you.

I would like to write you so much, but I’ll try to keep an "order". I still remember that I once said to you that our children would play together.

You haven’t failed me, it was just that as I wrote you the last time (some years ago) I was a person without life experience and I also thought that if I go through the world with my sincere manner, I would reach everything and the world would keep being pink ...

And now life has taught me that I can continue having this manner, but I have to know when I should be that way and when I'd better not.

So, returning to the point when I wrote you for the last time, at that point I had been doing lots of mistakes in my relationship, such enormous mistakes that L then didn’t trust me anymore. I thought then that if I gave up lots of things I had at that moment, then L would trust me again. And it worked, but at that moment I saw L more like the best way to move away from my parents' house, and now he is my other half. He thought at that time that you were a, so to say, "bad influence" for me and I wasn’t strong enough to show him that you weren’t. That’s the reason why I broke up the contact with you, well the short form of the long version. I hope this explanation is enough for you. I know it’s not fair!

The reason why I’m answering you is to tell you that you have no idea how many times I’ve thought of the great time we had, of our adventures ... I still think of that!!

But I have to ask you for two things:

The first is, please don’t talk anymore about me or L or little L with my mother, because she has been almost always trying to bring us apart, because of traumas she has from her relationship with my father. She is not in the position to accept that we are married and have a son, she just helps us when she wants to and under her conditions, instead of saying I’ll help you in the best way I can and in every way. I could sometimes kill her, because of the way she is with us, not only with L, but to me as well. When I have oportunity I’ll tell you more!! And please don’t tell her, that I’ve answered you, because she will start thinking who knows what, and I just don’t want her to know everything about me. So please keep everything to yourself! Don’t misunderstand this, it’s not because I hate her or so, it’s just that she is muy metiche y no tiene por que saber punto y coma de todo lo que hago o dejo de hacer, and it’s not because I’m afraid of something, it's only strategy!

The second point is, if you agree with it, to wait a bit more, so I can "re"-introduce you into my life. L trusts me now in almost everything, not because of me, just because he is a person who has been threatened by life and therefore has learnt not to trust fully. So we are doing very well and are progressing in reaching the goals we once set for us. Now I wouldn’t change my marriage for anything, he is a good man and he works for his family and not only for fun, we are now like two engines working together to make a watch work.

Returning to the goals, for example, to get the German citizenship I fullfill now all the conditions needed, and I just have to make the request. On the other hand I’m finishing this year my training course as secretary for foreign languages, in October. My strategy is to passively introduce you more and more during this time until I have reached completely both goals. So I just ask you to give me the time til Oct. more or less, because with the two jobs I have now, and the training course and and and ... I don't have the head to handle more ... Do you think this is acceptable for you? If you don’t agree, I can understand you and if I were you I will also kick myself for all mistakes that happened and I wasn’t strong enough to avoid them.

So please let me know how you think about this at this e-mail, not at the yahoo-email!!

As I’ve told you, some things only work if you have a strategy ... that’s why I’m so careful and kind of mysterious.

Best wishes,